Life is stressful these days. We can work on “stress management” or “stress reduction”. Personally, I find it more realistic to accept that life is indeed stressful, yet I have finally learned how to release stress. Sometimes.

In an ideal world, we would be on top of our game taking care of our emotional and physical health. The Mayo Clinic says we need 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Therefore, I am chronically sleep deprived! We know that we need healthy nutrition and regular exercise. I try to eat healthy and exercise, until I become too busy and stressed to do so! Time with friends and family help reduce my stress levels, except when our sons are squabbling. I know I am a great candidate for meditation, but I just can not sit still. I have too much to do!

We also know that stress raises our cortisol levels, and challenges our immune system functioning. Why is it so hard to take care of ourselves when we know intellectually what we need to do?

In the book, “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” Robert Sapolsky describes an interesting perspective from the wilderness. Zebras have a lot of stress in their lives running away from lions, but then they rest and graze. In contrast, humans have a lot of stress, but rather than rest and graze, we worry and look over our shoulders for more lions!

If you are like me and want more relaxation and grazing in your life, let’s try some of these tips to release stress:

What other ideas do you have to release stress in your life? I would love to hear them.

I realize that times are tough for many people, yet as an optimistic person I will go out on a limb, and say, “You are responsible for your own happiness. You deserve to be happy… Take charge of your mood”.

What does it really mean to be happy? When you think of yourself and your life, are you being the person you want to be? Are you living a life that brings you joy and pleasure? Do you have satisfying relationships? Are you living your life according to your values and priorities? And if not… why not? Let’s see if we can make some changes together.

Like every other working mom, I feel stressed and pressured in my life. So much to do…Never enough time. As a psycholologist, I take care of people in my professional life, and as a mother/wife/daughter/friend I take care of others the rest of the time too. I lean towards perfectionism and workaholism, and I had an epiphany a few years ago when I turned 40 years old.

I do not need to be perfect. Actually perfectionism is over-rated. I need to be “good-enough”. Of course, I still try to do my best in whatever I do, but the difference is I am much kinder and more compassionate with my own flaws. When I think of my friends or clients sharing their imperfections, I am loving, kind and accepting towards them. I used to be much more judgmental and critical with myself than others. However, I realized that I need to be a better friend to myself. When my inner critic’s voice appears, I ask myself, “What would I say to a friend?” and I turn around and tell myself the same supportive message.

Many of us believe that in order to be the best wife, mother, employee or friend that we need to be self-sacrificing. Interestingly, that does not work. To take care of others, you need to first take care of yourself. Starting now, give yourself permission to make you the focus in your life for a change. If you take time and effort to nurture and refuel yourself, you will become a better partner, mother, friend, worker and more. We have to prioritize taking care of ourselves especially if we need to take care of others

When we think back to times in our life where we were the most happy and content, we can sometimes find keys to improve our present day happiness. What was happening then that we may have forgotten, overlooked or misplaced now? Are you happiest when you have personal time with others? Do you need more solitude or creativity outlets? Are you most happy when you are learning or exploring? Are you happiest when you feel healthy and strong in your body? Are you happier when you get more sleep? Are you happiest when you have more fun? Are you happiest when you have more romance?

I was hiking the other day with a good friend and our dogs. My friend has three children, and one of them is severely autistic. She is usually in a positive, sunny mood although her life is certainly not easy. When I asked her how does she do it? How does she stay so positive and happy? She calmly replied, “Yes, life is challenging, but I just prefer to live in the positive”. She has chosen to have a positive, happy attitude. Sometimes I think we are too loyal to our suffering. Yes, we need empathy and support, but sometimes we also need a gentle kick in the pants.

I propose that we make a commitment to support each other in becoming more happy and content with our lives. Let’s act the way we want to feel. One step at a time…let’s take charge of our moods – We deserve to be happy.

For more tips on taking care of yourself, check out “Preventions Not Prescriptions” on The Kathleen Show.